(mock religion comprised of Supernaturalists)
by ￼kitsunehi13 , Head of Supernaturalism, and Co-written with ￼roboartemis , Head of Wholigion
-Kripke Hear Our Cry!
When praying, followers are to first make the sign of the cross: In the name of the Father, the Sons, and the Holy Kripke. It is customary to use the phrase "Kripke Hear Our Cry" at the end of prayers and wishes.* The phrase was first used by Xanseviera on Deviantart.com in August 2009.
*Supernatural is the only show that takes the fans' opinion on plot and characters so seriously. So the meaning is self-explanatory.
It is the responsibility of every Supernaturalist to spread the Word of Kripke. Mass conversion is often done through Supernatural marathons. Snacks are a useful tool to luring people to a marathon. It is customary but not necessary to begin conversions with season one. Do not be overbearing. If your offer to convert a person is rejected three times, you are not allowed to pester them for at least 3 months.
-Loyal opposition of Wholigion
Wholigion is another mock religion consisting of the followers of Doctor Who. They go by the term "Wholigans" and are on occasion also Supernaturalists. Wholigans have no regard for internal continuity, stable rules, or looking before they leap. They do not believe in being prepared, having a plan, or solving problems with violence. (They would make John Winchester weep.) They do, however, share our views on knowing your enemy. (I am currently urging roboartemis , Head of Wholigion, to update her LJ. All should look forward to her word. Meanwhile, you can bother her on Twitter.)
There are times when a Supernaturalist goes through withdrawal and needs the help of the community. During these times it is our responsibility to help them and hold a Supernatural marathon. This will help cure ailing Supernaturalists and also strengthen bonds in the community.
-At least one pilgrimage in your lifetime to a Supernatural convention
It is not only fun but also healthy for a Supernaturalist to attend a convention. There one can meet other members of Supernaturalism, as well as several holy figures (i.e. Actors and Writers). At conventions, Supernaturalists can fully submerge themselves into the religion. Bonds are made and strengthen, and our Almighty Kripke is pleased. These conventions can be found all over the world through different organizations.
When at a holy gathering, there are oftentimes meals and beverages that are Supernatural-related. For example, you may find a Sam burger or a Dean-arita. One must consume a Supernatural-related meal or beverage. According to Richard Speight Jr.(Trickster/Gabriel), purple nurples are a favorite among many followers.* Please remember, when consuming alcoholic beverages to be responsible.
*At the Chicago 2009 Supernatural Convention, I had posted this on my hotel door with blank paper and a pen for people to write comments on. Richard left a message on the door. It had made my day. You can find a picture of his comment HERE.
Major holidays include the Almighty Kripke's birthday, the day of the Season Premiere, as well as the day of the Season/Series Finale. Holidays are generally celebrated by hosting marathons that include snacks and beverages. Although often unsuccessful, Supernaturalists try to avoid work on these major holidays.
*Always be prepared i.e. Carry rock salt, exorcism books, any Supernatural-related literature (for study), always carry provisions (i.e. peanut M&Ms), stay alert (i.e. look out for blinking lights, cold rooms, malfunctioning electronic equipment), learn some form of self defense (yes, crossbows count), always have an alias and an alibi
*When in doubt, decapitate and burn it
*Must stop and salute any 1967 Impalas
*It is advisable to have a Devil's Trap on a person at all times (and on vehicles). Tattoos are always fun but not required, we will accept permanent marker. (The art of carving runes onto bone is practiced by extremists. It is not recommended)
*It is also encouraged to become familiar with popular 80's rock music
*No Chick Flick moments
*"Jerk" and "Bitch" are considered terms of endearment
*Must watch Supernatural once a week during an active season and once a month during the off season and after the series has ended
*Any mass gathering of Supernaturalists must include a reading from one of the official novels, The Book of Monsters, or the sacred John Winchester's Journal
*Wincest: Impossible to Forbid and Impossible to Defend
*Community work is encouraged
i.e. Donate to charities in Supernatural's name (or somehow related to Supernatural), such as Fandom Rocks or a current fundraiser being done in Jim Beaver's name (Team Duke)
Fandom Rocks: fandom-rocks.com
Team Duke: tiny.cc/teamduke
Do not be surprised if you find yourself to be the victim of a supernatural killing. As Darwin simply put it, it is “survival of the fittest”. If you are not prepared for the supernatural world, then your ass is grass. It is sometimes easy to distinguish in episodes who will become a victim of Supernatural Selection. It is a way of life and cannot be changed. Supernatural Selection is the untimely death of a person due to supernatural-related circumstances. The road is never similar, but the ending is always the same. Do not be surprised if the ending is helped along the way by Hunters. They are just doing their job.
(originally posted August 16, 2009)